These are the two sets of verses that stood out to me:
"And now, God, do it again - bring rains to our drought-stricken lives so those who planted their crops in despair will shout hurrahs at the harvest, so those who went off with heavy hearts will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing."
---Psalms 126:4-6 (MSG)
"Your wife will bear children as a vine bears grapes, your household lush as a vineyard, the children around your table as fresh and promising as young olive shoots. Stand in awe of God's Yes. Oh, how he blesses the one who fears God!"
---Psalms 128:3-4 (MSG)
Psalms 126 stood out the most to me tonight. I read that set of verses, and I found myself praying them out loud. "Lord, please bring water to my drought-stricken land. God, please let my crops not be planted in despair forever! Bring me shouts of hurrah at the sight of the harvest! Lord, give me laughter and blessings." That was my prayer.
As I was praying this scripture, I had music playing in the background. Y'all know I've written before about "The Lord our God" being the song of my season. Of course it filters through my playlist at just this time. And the first set of lyrics hits me all over again...
"Promise maker, promise keeper... You finish what you begin. Our provision through the desert, you see it through to the end..."
I absolutely STOPPED and stood still over that phrase "our provision through the desert, you see it through to the end..."
I immediately thought of the story of Moses and the Israelites wandering through the desert. And then I started researching. And then I realized why the Israelites were even in the desert in the first place - and I LOST it. I'm talking bawling and snotting everywhere and just not holding it together at. all. The Israelites were punished for rebelling against God and being faithless.
I had to familiarize myself with the story again, so I did some reading. Lots of reading. And this is the Gospel according to CB. I am in no way a Biblical scholar. This is just my understanding of things. (Don't trust me! Go read some OT, folks! Exodus and Numbers specifically!) Pharaoh held the Israelites captive in Egypt for quite some time. (Want to know how long? I looked it up. 430 years. Yikes!) Moses petitions Pharaoh to let them go... and eventually Pharaoh agrees. So Moses leads the people out of Egypt towards Canaan, the Promised Land. Pharaoh realizes he was crazy for letting his slaves go, so he comes after them. The Israelites freak out. At one point, Moses even tells them "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." (Exodus 14:14, NIV) (Don't even get me started on that verse! AMAZING - both the implication and the application!) The Lord parts the Red Sea; the Israelites pass through, and the Egyptians are swept away as they come after them. Eventually, the Israelites end up in the desert. They start complaining. Along the way, somehow they lose it for a minute and start whining and complaining, yearning for Egypt even. Even so, the Lord provides for them. When they get to Mt. Sinai on the way to Canaan, Moses presents the Ten Commandments - a.k.a. laws for right living. Again, they travel toward the Promise Land. Surprise of all surprises, they complain some more. Food, Moses' authority, etc. They lost sight of what was just around the corner - the fulfillment of the promise of God. They get ready to take Canaan, and some of the lookouts report seeing giants! They freak out again, despite repeated declarations to "take the land!" (The Lord had this, y'all!) Their lack of faith and unbelief made God angry enough to banish them to the desert to wander for 40 years. FORTY years. He basically claimed that generation unfit to enjoy the promise of Canaan. Once the old generation died off and their children proved their faithfulness, the Promised Land was inhabited by the Israelites!
So... why were the Israelites in the desert? Because God was punishing them for their past sin and faithlessness. Even though the Israelites are God's chosen people, He could only sit back for so long before he punished them. He let the old, rebellious generation DIE instead of seeing the promised land of plenty. Does that mean he completely gave up on them? No. He allowed the next generation to prove their faithfulness.
So, I'm reading this and processing all of this, and I lost it. Y'all when I say I lost it, I mean I lost it. I started bawling and was basically on my face before the Lord.
See, I've been in a desert. Yes, I've caught some glimpses of the promised land. Yes, the Lord has spoken to me and moved in my heart. But I've been wandering around in what seems as good as circles, and I've not really understood why. I felt like I was taking one step closer to God, tasting that promise... and then taking two steps back. I was wandering.
You guys know how the Holy Spirit works. It is an instantaneous realization of something that's being pressed into you. In the four or five seconds that it took me to go from the song lyrics to the thought of the Israelites in the desert to the fact that it was all based on punishment, I immediately got slammed by the Holy Spirit.
A few years ago, I got angry at God because of something that happened to me. I'd always been a "good girl," and I had tried to live my life the right way. But it didn't matter. My character was questioned, my reputation ruined, and I completely shut down. I'm talking I basically QUIT God. I was mad, I was hurt, and I just didn't think I could trust Him. So, I rebelled. I quit going to church. I hung out with people who loved me and I loved but weren't the best influence on me. I started majorly screwing up my life. I did things I swore I'd never do. I had this lackadaisical attitude toward my sin. It was like I was living outside of myself. It was a surreal experience that lasted a good year or so. I eventually was convicted, and I stopped what I was doing. I separated myself from temptation, and I even moved back home to try to start over. (I also didn't have a job. That was a huge factor in me moving home.)
Guys, I thought I had confessed and repented. I did turn away from my sin, but I just don't think I ever completely asked God to forgive me and confessed just how wrong I had been. I honestly think I glossed over it, said a tiny little "Lord, forgive me" prayer, and moved on. That's what the Holy Spirit threw on me tonight. I realized that all of the struggle I've experienced, the toxic thoughts I hear, the insecurities I deal with, the strongholds the enemy has over my life are a direct correlation to this sin I was still holding on to. I've been wandering around in my own desert for a good five years or so.
Tonight I gave it all up. I confessed. I cried. I begged for forgiveness. And I am just crazy with grief over the thought of my sin and all its repercussions. I'm just so thankful that the Lord STILL loves me. He's not giving up on me. He's leading me through my desert to the Promised Land - to the fulfillment of His promise to His people.
I'm holding on to the promise that "He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil. 1:3-6) He's not done with me yet. He is FOR ME. And for that, I'm thankful.
I absolutely STOPPED and stood still over that phrase "our provision through the desert, you see it through to the end..."
I immediately thought of the story of Moses and the Israelites wandering through the desert. And then I started researching. And then I realized why the Israelites were even in the desert in the first place - and I LOST it. I'm talking bawling and snotting everywhere and just not holding it together at. all. The Israelites were punished for rebelling against God and being faithless.
I had to familiarize myself with the story again, so I did some reading. Lots of reading. And this is the Gospel according to CB. I am in no way a Biblical scholar. This is just my understanding of things. (Don't trust me! Go read some OT, folks! Exodus and Numbers specifically!) Pharaoh held the Israelites captive in Egypt for quite some time. (Want to know how long? I looked it up. 430 years. Yikes!) Moses petitions Pharaoh to let them go... and eventually Pharaoh agrees. So Moses leads the people out of Egypt towards Canaan, the Promised Land. Pharaoh realizes he was crazy for letting his slaves go, so he comes after them. The Israelites freak out. At one point, Moses even tells them "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." (Exodus 14:14, NIV) (Don't even get me started on that verse! AMAZING - both the implication and the application!) The Lord parts the Red Sea; the Israelites pass through, and the Egyptians are swept away as they come after them. Eventually, the Israelites end up in the desert. They start complaining. Along the way, somehow they lose it for a minute and start whining and complaining, yearning for Egypt even. Even so, the Lord provides for them. When they get to Mt. Sinai on the way to Canaan, Moses presents the Ten Commandments - a.k.a. laws for right living. Again, they travel toward the Promise Land. Surprise of all surprises, they complain some more. Food, Moses' authority, etc. They lost sight of what was just around the corner - the fulfillment of the promise of God. They get ready to take Canaan, and some of the lookouts report seeing giants! They freak out again, despite repeated declarations to "take the land!" (The Lord had this, y'all!) Their lack of faith and unbelief made God angry enough to banish them to the desert to wander for 40 years. FORTY years. He basically claimed that generation unfit to enjoy the promise of Canaan. Once the old generation died off and their children proved their faithfulness, the Promised Land was inhabited by the Israelites!
So... why were the Israelites in the desert? Because God was punishing them for their past sin and faithlessness. Even though the Israelites are God's chosen people, He could only sit back for so long before he punished them. He let the old, rebellious generation DIE instead of seeing the promised land of plenty. Does that mean he completely gave up on them? No. He allowed the next generation to prove their faithfulness.
So, I'm reading this and processing all of this, and I lost it. Y'all when I say I lost it, I mean I lost it. I started bawling and was basically on my face before the Lord.
See, I've been in a desert. Yes, I've caught some glimpses of the promised land. Yes, the Lord has spoken to me and moved in my heart. But I've been wandering around in what seems as good as circles, and I've not really understood why. I felt like I was taking one step closer to God, tasting that promise... and then taking two steps back. I was wandering.
You guys know how the Holy Spirit works. It is an instantaneous realization of something that's being pressed into you. In the four or five seconds that it took me to go from the song lyrics to the thought of the Israelites in the desert to the fact that it was all based on punishment, I immediately got slammed by the Holy Spirit.
A few years ago, I got angry at God because of something that happened to me. I'd always been a "good girl," and I had tried to live my life the right way. But it didn't matter. My character was questioned, my reputation ruined, and I completely shut down. I'm talking I basically QUIT God. I was mad, I was hurt, and I just didn't think I could trust Him. So, I rebelled. I quit going to church. I hung out with people who loved me and I loved but weren't the best influence on me. I started majorly screwing up my life. I did things I swore I'd never do. I had this lackadaisical attitude toward my sin. It was like I was living outside of myself. It was a surreal experience that lasted a good year or so. I eventually was convicted, and I stopped what I was doing. I separated myself from temptation, and I even moved back home to try to start over. (I also didn't have a job. That was a huge factor in me moving home.)
Guys, I thought I had confessed and repented. I did turn away from my sin, but I just don't think I ever completely asked God to forgive me and confessed just how wrong I had been. I honestly think I glossed over it, said a tiny little "Lord, forgive me" prayer, and moved on. That's what the Holy Spirit threw on me tonight. I realized that all of the struggle I've experienced, the toxic thoughts I hear, the insecurities I deal with, the strongholds the enemy has over my life are a direct correlation to this sin I was still holding on to. I've been wandering around in my own desert for a good five years or so.
Tonight I gave it all up. I confessed. I cried. I begged for forgiveness. And I am just crazy with grief over the thought of my sin and all its repercussions. I'm just so thankful that the Lord STILL loves me. He's not giving up on me. He's leading me through my desert to the Promised Land - to the fulfillment of His promise to His people.
I'm holding on to the promise that "He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil. 1:3-6) He's not done with me yet. He is FOR ME. And for that, I'm thankful.
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