Trying something new! ;)
5.30.2013
5.28.2013
Confessions...
I have a love/hate relationship with blogging. Whew! Just getting that out there in the open makes me feel better!
I LOVE to read blogs. I love having a bird's eye view into other people's lives. I love gathering "advice" on marriage and raising children from women who do it well. I love reading encouragement from believers around the world. I love keeping up with the daily comings and goings of some of my best friends. But when it comes to my blog? That's where the hate portion comes in. Most of the time I hate it because I feel pressure to constantly write something. And not just anything. Something good. (That's the English teacher/overdramatic creative person inside of me coming out.) Then there's the whole "no one wants to read about my boring life" thought. And then comes the ADD. Holy. Cow. My thoughts are all over the place most of the time and generally not coherent enough to stick together. (Ha!)
The other day I got to thinking about the beauty of summer break. (Yes, I'm a teacher. Yes, I get approximately 8 weeks of vacation every summer. No, I don't get paid for it. Yes, I'm sure. Yes, I'm DEFINITELY sure I deserve this break!) Over summer break I get to do more of the things that make me feel alive. I get to read. I get to write. And I get to spend more time in the Word doing a little deeper Bible study. And those things make me happy.
After I thought about those things for a few minutes, I kind of flitted around and stopped to perch on writing a little more. I need to write. I crave the outlet. I need some way to get all of my thoughts out on "paper." Then comes the part that scares me the most: putting it all out there. All out there in the big wide world of electronic communication for anyone to see. I just don't know how to balance that in my mind. No, I'm not some 13 year old girl with a gigantic crush on the boy next door who's scared her diary of heart-doodles and sloppy cursive "Mrs. Bradley Winters" written over and over will suddenly find itself in the wrong hands. (Who am I kidding? I may or may not still doodle like that from time to time. I'm just NOT stupid enough to put it online.) I guess the scariest thing is the feeling of putting myself out there completely - letting everyone read about my scars. My insecurities. My hopes. My fears. But then again... transparency is a beautiful thing.
I recently stumbled across the blog Lotts of Scotts and LOVE it. I just love this sweet mama's way with words. I'm a sucker for someone who can reel me in and make me feel like I'm sitting in their living room listening to them tell a story. Suck. Er. I digress. I was reading several posts and I stumbled across a link to Emily Freeman's article, "The One Thing Your Daughter Doesn't Need You to Say." And suddenly I found myself sitting with tears in my eyes. You see, I think the root of this whole blogging conundrum in my life is the idea that I don't want to rip my heart out and throw it down on the table for everyone to see. Call it insecurity. Call it being prudent. Whatever. As I read this beautiful article, I realized that everyone needs simplistic transparency. We need to be open about who we are and where we've come from, always pointing to the Reason we've made it through the valleys we walk. In short, I want people to realize that I know I'm not perfect. I want people to see my struggles. I want to give someone hope and the realization that they are not alone. I want to point people toward the Savior who loves me more than I'll ever be able to comprehend. I want to be a woman who knows - with 100% certainty - that she needs Jesus.
So, in an effort to be a little more vulnerable...
Tonight, I'm lonely. I'm sitting on my sofa in the middle of a very quiet living room, and I'm pondering the days to come. Like I said... it's summer break. I'm dying for some personal and spiritual rejuvenation. And while I know that this down time - this alone time - is exactly what I need, it's still hard. At the end of the day, I simply want someone to come home to. Someone to sit on the sofa with me.
That's my confession tonight.
I LOVE to read blogs. I love having a bird's eye view into other people's lives. I love gathering "advice" on marriage and raising children from women who do it well. I love reading encouragement from believers around the world. I love keeping up with the daily comings and goings of some of my best friends. But when it comes to my blog? That's where the hate portion comes in. Most of the time I hate it because I feel pressure to constantly write something. And not just anything. Something good. (That's the English teacher/overdramatic creative person inside of me coming out.) Then there's the whole "no one wants to read about my boring life" thought. And then comes the ADD. Holy. Cow. My thoughts are all over the place most of the time and generally not coherent enough to stick together. (Ha!)
The other day I got to thinking about the beauty of summer break. (Yes, I'm a teacher. Yes, I get approximately 8 weeks of vacation every summer. No, I don't get paid for it. Yes, I'm sure. Yes, I'm DEFINITELY sure I deserve this break!) Over summer break I get to do more of the things that make me feel alive. I get to read. I get to write. And I get to spend more time in the Word doing a little deeper Bible study. And those things make me happy.
After I thought about those things for a few minutes, I kind of flitted around and stopped to perch on writing a little more. I need to write. I crave the outlet. I need some way to get all of my thoughts out on "paper." Then comes the part that scares me the most: putting it all out there. All out there in the big wide world of electronic communication for anyone to see. I just don't know how to balance that in my mind. No, I'm not some 13 year old girl with a gigantic crush on the boy next door who's scared her diary of heart-doodles and sloppy cursive "Mrs. Bradley Winters" written over and over will suddenly find itself in the wrong hands. (Who am I kidding? I may or may not still doodle like that from time to time. I'm just NOT stupid enough to put it online.) I guess the scariest thing is the feeling of putting myself out there completely - letting everyone read about my scars. My insecurities. My hopes. My fears. But then again... transparency is a beautiful thing.
I recently stumbled across the blog Lotts of Scotts and LOVE it. I just love this sweet mama's way with words. I'm a sucker for someone who can reel me in and make me feel like I'm sitting in their living room listening to them tell a story. Suck. Er. I digress. I was reading several posts and I stumbled across a link to Emily Freeman's article, "The One Thing Your Daughter Doesn't Need You to Say." And suddenly I found myself sitting with tears in my eyes. You see, I think the root of this whole blogging conundrum in my life is the idea that I don't want to rip my heart out and throw it down on the table for everyone to see. Call it insecurity. Call it being prudent. Whatever. As I read this beautiful article, I realized that everyone needs simplistic transparency. We need to be open about who we are and where we've come from, always pointing to the Reason we've made it through the valleys we walk. In short, I want people to realize that I know I'm not perfect. I want people to see my struggles. I want to give someone hope and the realization that they are not alone. I want to point people toward the Savior who loves me more than I'll ever be able to comprehend. I want to be a woman who knows - with 100% certainty - that she needs Jesus.
So, in an effort to be a little more vulnerable...
Tonight, I'm lonely. I'm sitting on my sofa in the middle of a very quiet living room, and I'm pondering the days to come. Like I said... it's summer break. I'm dying for some personal and spiritual rejuvenation. And while I know that this down time - this alone time - is exactly what I need, it's still hard. At the end of the day, I simply want someone to come home to. Someone to sit on the sofa with me.
That's my confession tonight.
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