Seeking Him

So... lately... there's been a lot going on.  Haha!  : )  Right before school ended, I got word that a high school English position had opened up in my hometown of Baxley.  I had not really been looking for other jobs, but I'd always kept Baxley in my back pocket.  There's just something about the draw of home, you know?  I applied, interviewed, and was offered a job.  I accepted it with no hesitation the minute the principal called.  It just felt right.  I prayed and prayed that the Lord would either open or shut doors according to His will. Everything with my new position at ACHS literally fell into my lap, and I really felt at peace about the whole thing.  

So what's so bad about that, right?!?  Nothing really.  I absolutely know it's the right thing for me to do right now.  (Not to mention how super excited I am to be closer to my family again!)  While this whole moving-back-home thing is a good thing, it has also caused some stress in my life!  I'm packing up my life (sort-of), and struggling to balance a career change, house hunting, and two classes for my EdS degree program.  Talk about stress!  Whew!  I feel crazy most days.


Other than stressing over trying to find a place to live and moving, my only other concern about my impending move home is the lack of community I think I'll find in Baxley.  And I don't mean the community itself.  I love my little itty bitty hometown and all of its small-town goodness.  I've been hem-hawing this idea around in my head for weeks, trying to put my finger on what was gnawing at me on the inside every time I thought about moving, and I finally nailed it on the head.  I am worried about losing the community I've found in Douglas.  More so, I'm worried that I won't find personal community and spiritual, corporate community in Baxley.  (It's actually really funny.  Just as I came to this conclusion, Jessica over at SingleRoots posted about the very same thing.)  


After well over a year of commuting, I finally bit the bullet and moved to Douglas this past January.  Yep, less than six months ago.  I immediately started the "great church search," and I found an awesome church and ladies' small group to plug into.  I strengthened friendships from my school, and I made new friends through church.  I was just starting to feel like I belonged. (After all, don't we all just want to feel like we belong?!)  And now I'm screwing everything up and moving back home.  To the desert.  Haha.  

South Georgia is hardly the desert, but it sure does seem like it sometimes.  I joke around all the time, "I sure do hope the Lord knows what He's doing, because I HIGHLY doubt I'm going to find a husband in BAXLEY."  Haha!  I am moving to a place where I can count the single people (men included) on one hand.  Eeeeek!  Who am I going to hang out with?  Who will walk beside me?  Who will lift me up and encourage me?  My heart longs for those strong bonds of community.  And I'm just worried it's not going to be there waiting for me back home.


But then I sit back and realize how selfish and whiny I'm being.  Didn't God tie this job up in a nice little package complete with curly, fluffy, flouncy bow?  Yes.  Didn't I pray for His will?  Yes.  God is bigger than my self-wrought worries.  He's bigger than the questions that rage about in my mind.  He's for me.  Period.  He is faithful to provide.  And just like I had to throw myself into seeking out community in Douglas, so will I throw myself into seeking community in Baxley.  I have to do my part.  I will seek Him and pray for His guidance to lead me to a church where I can not only be fed but also serve.  You see, the big idea here is SEEK Him.  Actually seek Him.  Search for Him.  That makes all the difference. 

My friend Nicole and I talked on the phone today for four hours.  Four.  It was amazing.  She is one of my absolute best friends, and she loves the Lord oh so much.  She and her husband are two of the sweetest, most genuine people I know.  Nicole and I talked a long while today about church.  The struggle with discontent.  The desire to be connected.  The yearning to grow closer to the Lord than ever before.  The intense need for worship.  Sometimes we feel like we're alone in pursuit of the throne.  We know many believers.  But are they actually growing?  Do they genuinely want to grow in their faith, or are they attending church out of duty or obligation?  I want to be around like-minded people.  People who want to grow closer to the Lord each and every day.  I need accountability.  I need encouragement.  I need motivation that often comes from seeing others taste and see.  This is where the seeking comes in.  Seeking Him and allowing Him to provide for me.  He knows what's best.  He knows what I truly need.  

Quite simply, I need Him.  I'm beginning to wonder if he's calling me back home to Baxley in an effort to help me slow down and genuinely seek Him.  On my own at first, maybe.  But hopefully, in the end, alongside other believers who are seeking Him just as steadfastly. 


It really is all about seeking.