Selah!

A few weekends ago I was blessed with the opportunity to not only spend the weekend with some of my favorite, best friends but also to go to a Selah concert!  Can I just tell you how absolutely amazing it was?  A-mazing.  Yep.  That good.  Such a sweet time of worship with some of my favorite Christian artists – Selah, Aaron Shust, and Shaun Groves.  The absolute highlight of the night was getting to meet Amy Perry, the female singer in Selah.  IF you haven’t heard Selah, look them up here.  And if you have never heard Amy Perry sing, you are truly missing out.  She has the most beautiful, pure voice.  Not to mention an awesome testimony.  I am not sure that I’ll ever be able to explain how much she ministered to me that night at the concert, but I’ll at least try. 

Ok, a little back story.  My friend Robbie and I met our friends Matt and Nicole in Valdosta for the concert.  Nicole loves Selah (and Amy) as much as I do.  Nicole and I go waaaay back… all the way to college.  Haha!  Hey… it has been almost ten years since we met and became friends.  That’s a pretty good long while, right?  We attended Valdosta State, were active in the BSU, and were education majors.  While I consider college the beginning of our friendship, grad school is where our friendship deepened and became so precious to me.  I consider Nicole one of my closest friends.  She’s such an inspiration to me – a great teacher, a sweet little wife, and one of the strongest Christians I know.   Not to mention the fact that she is a constant source of encouragement and, at times, my own personal cheerleader.  Nicole and I are alike in many ways – we’re both talkative and energetic and we do tend to get slightly… ummmm… obsessive about things.  Like Selah… and Amy Perry.  Soooo… that brings us back to the concert.

The concert itself was simply amazing.  There’s nothing like going to a “concert” that turns into a sweet time of corporate worship.  Amazing. 

Here are the groups coming together to lead us in worship – Selah, Aaron Shust, and Shaun Groves

Shaun Groves…

Aaron Shust…

Aaaaand…. SELAH!

Now… if worship itself wasn’t enough, Amy just had to go and share a little bit of her testimony.  Geeze.  To say that I cried is putting it lightly.  To say that I was simply touched is a gross understandment. 

Earlier that night, I was sitting and watching my sweet friends Matt and Nicole interact and the thought crossed my mind, “I’m not worthy.”  Past sin, self-esteem issues, and utterly debilitating lies concerning my worthlessness kept playing over and over in my mind as I watched this sweet, Godly couple interact.  How could I ever be “good” enough to be blessed with such a love?  “I’m not worthy.  I’m not worthy.  I’M. NOT. WORTHY.”  Truth?  Hardly.  And while I absolutely know it’s not truth, there are times when I feel completely and utterly paralyzed by these thoughts.  It’s that whole broken-record concept that I heard Beth Moore speak about one time.  Satan plants these lies in our heads and they just repeat and repeat like broken, scratchy records.  He just loves to attack us in our weakest areas.  Mine always revolves around my deep desire to love and be loved, to know and be known, and to have a family and a home. 

I won’t even go into the other lies the enemy was hurling my way that night.  Yet.  Every story deserves its turn, and tonight’s just not the night.  Just know that there was a lot whirling around in my pretty little head and heavy little heart that night.

Amy’s story is just one way the Lord’s been working in me, showing me things, and speaking to me.  I want to talk about it a bit, but I also encourage you to visit Amy’s blog here and read about her journey yourself.  During the concert, Amy talked openly about her issues with her weight, her relationship with her husband, and her desire to change… to become the woman she knew God wants her to be.  She shared some about her recent journey through weight loss, and she also talked about how for God brought her and her husband together.  Before they met, her husband, Jake, had been deeply hurt through divorce, and she was healing from a relationship where she was basically told she was “too big to marry.”  Oh dear Lord.  Been there, done that.  “You’re just not the “kind” of girl I want to date… but you are the kind of girl I want to marry.  At least, I hope that my wife’s PERSONALITY is a lot like yours.”  Geeze.  Really?  Thanks. 

Like Amy, I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life.  I’ve got so many scars from years of fat jokes and  nicknames and hurtful comments and dateless nights and empty, wasted emotions.  Sometimes I think it’s been even harder to deal with as an adult.  Just living and dealing with the stereotypes that come with the “fat territory” are hard.  Recently I was out shopping and I stopped to buy a Diet Coke and cookie.  As I was walking down the mall concourse, all I could think about was how I just knew that someone that I passed was thinking “Yep, go ahead and eat another cookie, fatty.”  Sometimes I want to walk around with a sign hanging around my neck that says “No, I do NOT sit at home at night and binge on Oreos and Coke and Doritos and cupcakes.”  I honestly do try to watch what I eat… and I think it’s fair to say that I maintain a fairly healthy diet.  Now, am I gonna eat fried chicken fingers and a few french fries when I go to Zaxby’s?  Heck yes I am… if I want them.  But that’s not to say that I don’t order a grilled chicken salad the next two times I go.  With that being said, yes, I know that I still have a long way to go where it concerns learning how to make healthy eating choices for life.  And yes, I know my next step is making sure that I’m actually burning more calories than I intake. 

Now, I will digress and say that even though I’m pretty fragile in some areas of my self-esteem, I’m still fairly self-confident.  And while I know that is a huge contradiction, it’s true.  I don’t cower behind my weight; I think I totally work! my “larger” stature.  I try to dress nice and take care of myself (I do loooove to shop, I'm pretty much obsessed with jewelry, and I’m all about some hair product and make-up!).  I was even recently told that I just seem to exude self-confidence.  HA!  Yeah, right! If only they really knew.  I really don’t let my size control my life.  It’s not my only thought every moment of every day.  Even so, it is an ever-present part of my life.  I’ve often wondered how differently my life would’ve turned out had I been born with a different body.  What’s really funny is that sometimes I feel totally normal – as in “skinny normal.”  Sometimes I feel like any of my other friends who wear size 8’s… and 12’s… and heck, even 16’s.  But then I step out of the shower and look in the mirror… or struggle to button a pair of pants… or think about the boy that I’m interested in that won’t give even the slightest thought of dating me.  And then it hits me.  I’m fat. 

Amy’s story was just what I needed to hear that night when dealing with those broken-record thoughts of worthlessness.  I’m so thankful that the Lord allowed me to be there to hear her words of experience and… (gasp!) hope.  If she can do this, I can too.  I can lose weight.  I can change my life.  I can find a man who will love me for who I truly am.  But only through HIM.

So, back to Selah, the concert, and Amy…

After the concert, Nicole, Matt, Robbie, and I made our way to the foyer.  Nicole and I were just about to positively die to meet Amy.  Matt casually sauntered over to the “security team” member standing at the entrance of the hallway where the VIP’s were meeting-and-greeting the artists.  He asked if there was any way “the girls” could meet Amy.  The man told us that if we stood right there, they would most likely come out into the foyer. Then he surprised us even more and said he would let us walk back to the VIP area when the VIPs made their way out.  Eeeeek!

We primp.  (After Party Clinique lipstick, anyone?!?!  Gotta look good for possible photo ops!  Haha!)  We laugh.  We squeal.  We giggle.  We are ecstatic about meeting the folks of Selah.  : )

This is Nicole and me in a complete and utter state of GIDDYNESS.  Haha… LOVE this picture.  It’s so… US!  : ) 

We finally get “the nod” from the security team member and we start to make our way down the hallway.  We pass Aaron Shust and Shaun Groves as they make their way to the foyer.  Then we pass Todd Smith of Selah.  We’re getting closer… and then… Amy and Allan turn and walk the opposite way.  We completely missed them.  Eeeeeek.  The man confirmed that they’d gone to their dressing rooms.  We sniffled.  We pouted.  We were heartbroken.

We walk back into the foyer and just stand there at a complete loss.  Ha!  Finally Matt decides he needs to approach Todd to see if Amy and Allan are coming back out up front.  But there’s this group of women who just will NOT stop holding court around Todd.  Matt finally edges in and introduces himself to Todd.  We all start talking.  Nicole and I tell Todd about how we love blogs and read his wife Angie’s blog.  (Definitely check it out.  They have an incredible story to share.)  We talk about Glee.  We talk about show choir.  And then Matt lays it on the line… “Is there any way they might be able to meet Amy?”  Todd says that he’ll walk back and see if she’s still in the dressing room.  He told us to wait and that IF she was still in the dressing room and not already on the bus, she might come out.  Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! 

So we wait.  We primp.  We laugh.  We squeal.  We giggle.  (Yes, again!)  And then… I catch a glimpse of someone moving through the sanctuary toward the foyer.  It’s… AMY! 

Bless her heart, she is a trooper!  She came out makeup-less and in her pajamas.  Sweetness.  Gotta love artists who care enough about their fans to totally ignore their desire to get on the bus and rest… She’s all “I can’t believe I’m in my pajamas!”  And we’re all “It’s so totally ok!”  We told her what big fans we were and how she’d blessed our hearts that night.  We talked about her life as the only girl on the tour bus (WONK!).  Boy oh boy did we talk.  We talked about anything and everything.  She was soooo super sweet and hysterically funny.    Nicole and I are absolutely convinced we would totally be BFF in real life.  Haha!  She even let us take pictures with her… even though she was in her PJs.  We promised not to post them on Facebook, but she told us we could anyway.  Too sweet.  : ) 

So…. Here is a picture of Amy and me!  Presh.  Love it. 

So, great night!  The weekend only got better… Robbie and I drove to Thomasville that night and spent the rest of the weekend with the Whelans.  Such good times with Matt and Nicole.  Lazy, fun Saturday.  A run/walk that morning, lunch at Barberito’s, a rainy afternoon looking at plantation land and getting stuck in the muddy road, shopping in downtown Thomasville, naps on couches and in our respective beds, dinner at Moto (a Japanese steakhouse), a grocery shopping trip at Publix, a random encounter with my old friend Casey, ice cream and movie night in the Pickin’ Shed.  Sunday was just as great… Matt led worship at FBC Thomasville (Came to My Rescue… Amazing!), pictures via self-timer, a traditional Daidone-Whelan lunch of baked ziti, salad, and bread, packing, and then the boys played cornhole while Nicole and I took even more pictures.  Haha.  Gooood times! 

Just what I needed to rest and rejuvenate.  Spring Break’s still a long way away!  : ) 

By the way…

I also learned that “selah” can mean a “pause” or an “extended pause.”  How funny considering my blog title… one more reason to love Selah! 

I know it’s been a long time since I’ve written… months and months.  But I’m really going to attempt to post more regularly.  I love to write so much… and the Lord’s really been speaking to me lately about slowing down (taking more and more extended pauses in this crazy life) and making more “me time” and more “Him time.”  What better way than to blog???  Get ready… this could be interesting.