Trusting the Sovereign

I wish that I could bottle up what I'm feeling inside and put it in a pretty little bottle tied with a pretty little bow and sit it on a shelf... not because I'm scared I'll lose this feeling, but because I'm scared I will forget exactly how I feel at this very moment.

I don't care what anyone says, our God is a God of emotion.  And this week I'm feeling the most amazing combination of brokenness, peace, contentment, and trust.

I've spent the last few weeks struggling with a specific situation that has wreaked havoc on me emotionally.  I've been a wreck.  I've cried and prayed and been mad and seethed and made excuses and then cried and prayed some more.  It has literally affected every aspect of my life, and that makes me mad.  Mad that I've given the situation that kind of power.  Tonight, I gave it up.  Completely.

Tonight at revival we sang "Sovereign" by Chris Tomlin.  Oh, Lord, thank you for leading Karen to sing about trusting in your sovereignty.  These words washed over my soul:


All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands

All my life
All of me
Held in your hands

All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands


In the middle of worship, I felt that burden completely lift from me.  And in that same moment - for the first time ever - I finally grasped what it means to place all my hopes and dreams completely in His hands.

This is the first time I've ever truly felt at peace about my future.  The first time I think I've experienced true contentment.  The first time I've ever felt strong enough to completely let something go.  To give it up.  To take my dreams, my hopes and place them back in the arms of the One who created them in the first place.  I honestly don't know why I've kept them tucked so closely to my heart this whole time.  Like a bird preparing its nest, I've gathered tiny snippets of hope and pieces of my past and the dreams of the future and weaved them into my own little nest.  I've finally realized that this nest isn't mine to hold.  It's His.  And I trust Him completely.