Divided Heart

I have a divided heart.  One minute, my heart's so full it literally feels like it's bursting at the seams with joy.  Content.  The next minute, it's longing and yearning and desiring... for the hope I have for my future.  Discontent.  A divided heart.

The biggest desires of my heart are fairly simple:

1. To be a wife.
2. To be a mom.

These things are the essence of who I am and who I want to be.  I've often wondered why these two desires are so much a part of me.  I've decided this:

I desire to know and be known.  I want to "do life" with someone.  I want to serve my family.  I long to nurture.  I want to feel like my life has a purpose.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that these longings, these desires that are so permanently etched into the fiber of my being, can be fulfilled in the waiting. 

You see, I'm slowly learning and resting in the knowledge that my desire to know and be known is ultimately fulfilled in and through Christ.  I'm spending time with Him and learning more about Him.  In return, I'm intentionally sharing more of my life with Him.  I am knowing, and I am known.

I get the chance to "do life" with my friends and my coworkers and my family and the community of believers He's surrounded me with at church.  I talk.  I laugh.  I cry.  I hug necks.  I have meltdowns.  I share triumphs.  I am doing life.

Serving?  Well, that's easy.  I can serve my church family.  I can serve my coworkers.  I can serve my family.  Serving?  It's really what Jesus commands us to do - regardless of marital status.  I can wash dishes and cook meals and take out the trash and encourage others and wipe down tables and minister to those around me in need and hold open doors and bounce fussy babies.  I am serving.

I am a nurturer, plain and simple.  It's in my DNA.  And while I might not be nurturing a child of my womb, I am charged with the job of nurturing the children of my heart.  My students.  The youth I work with.  The children at church.  I am nurturing.

All of these things?  They give my life purpose. 

In the waiting, I'm made complete.